Atheist fundraising suggestion

Need funds for yourself or the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster? Here is a twisted idea for making a quick buck off “the rapture.” Unfortunately this idea will only work on May 21^st of this year. You’ll need shabby clothes, a King James Bible, and your best “poker face.” The basic idea is to convince gullible people they aren’t being “raptured” due to their accumulated worldly possessions. This will only work on May 21^st of this year because that is the date being hyped by a number of “Christian” websites and a billboard campaign. The shabby clothes are to give the appearance of being poor, so you will be the obvious and convenient recipient of all those burdensome possessions. The Bible will back you up if you know which verses to cite. Start with Matthew 19:24 “And again I say unto you, It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle, than for a rich man to enter into the kingdom of God.” This will be even more effective if you have the red letter version of the Bible – the red letters highlight the words of Jesus himself! Now move up a few lines to Matthew 19:21 where you’ll find these words: “Jesus said unto him, If thou wilt be perfect, go and sell that thou hast, and give to the poor, and thou shalt have treasure in heaven.” Make the case that your mark is not being “raptured” because of their worldly possessions. Do this while turning the pages to Mark 10:25. When you get there then point out that this camel thing is so important that God caused it to be included a second time for emphasis. “It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle, than for a rich man to enter into the kingdom of God.” Then back up a few lines just as before. This time to Mark 10:17 where Jesus is asked “What shall I do that I may inherit eternal life?” Then quickly skip to the following words in Mark 10:21 “go thy way, sell whatsoever thou hast, and give to the poor, and thou shalt have treasure in heaven.”

If your mark has not broken out the titles, deeds and checkbook then continue! While keeping your best poker face, flip to Luke 18:25 where God has emphasized the point by including it a third time. “For it is easier for a camel to go through a needle’s eye, than for a rich man to enter into the kingdom of God.” Once again – extra credit for cheap theatrics – skip up a few lines – this time to Luke 18:18. There is the question posed to Jesus once again “what shall I do to inherit eternal life?” And in verse 18:22 the answer is repeated “sell all that thou hast, and distribute unto the poor, and thou shalt have treasure in heaven.” If you can’t induce them to sign over all the worldly goods then maybe at least you can induce a crisis of faith as they realize they don’t really believe enough to put Jesus first in their heart. The book commands that Jesus be loved more than money. You can leave them with a final thought, this time the words of Jesus as recorded in Matthew 7:21 “Not every one that saith unto me, Lord, Lord, shall enter into the kingdom of heaven; but he that doeth the will of my Father which is in heaven.”